Navigating the Tech Cosmos: From Etiquette Classes to iPhone Satellites

Ah, tech news. It’s like a buffet with everything from the fanciest hors d'oeuvres to questionable Jell-O salads. This week's spread includes Slow Ventures teaching startup founders how to not embarrass themselves at fancy dinners, and YouTube TV subscribers having a Disney-induced blackout meltdown. Grab your forks and let’s dig in.

The Etiquette of Being Fancy: Slow Ventures' Finishing School

In a world where startups are born faster than you can say "Series A," Slow Ventures has decided it's high time founders learn the art of the perfect handshake. Yes, you heard that right. Slow Ventures hosted a three-hour “Etiquette Finishing School” where founders learned not just the basics of public speaking and office decorum, but how to navigate those oh-so-crucial social graces.

Key Takeaways:
- Master the handshake: firm but not bone-crushing.
- Public speaking is more than just not fainting in front of an audience.
- Office decorum: Because no one wants to be that person who uses the last of the coffee without refilling the pot.

It's like teaching a fish to ride a bicycle, only this time the fish is a tech founder and the bicycle is a proper fork at a Michelin-starred restaurant.

Apple and the Satellite Symphony

Meanwhile, Apple is reportedly cooking up some ambitious satellite-powered features for the iPhone. Imagine this: You’re lost in the middle of nowhere, your GPS is as useful as a chocolate teapot, but fear not, your iPhone is about to become your best celestial navigator. Apple is planning to extend its satellite capabilities beyond emergency texts to possibly include photos and even Apple Maps connections.

Key Takeaways:
- Satellite texting will soon possibly include photos. No word on selfies from space yet.
- Apple Maps might get a satellite boost. Finally, directions that won’t suggest you drive into a lake.
- Future updates might mean your iPhone can connect to satellites indoors. Who knew signal could be shy?

Think of this as Apple handing you a Swiss Army Knife in space, turning your iPhone into a tool even James Bond would envy.

Blue Origin: Weather, Cruise Ships, and the Art of Rocket Launching

Speaking of reaching for the stars, Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket launch was scrubbed due to weather and cruise ship traffic. Yep, you read that right. Cruise ships are now a part of space exploration challenges. Jeff Bezos’ space company is trying to prove its rockets can be reused while sending NASA spacecraft to Mars, but Mother Nature and Captain Cruise had other plans.

Key Takeaways:
- New Glenn's launch was postponed due to weather and cruise ship traffic.
- The rocket is crucial for Blue Origin's plan to recover and reuse boosters.
- The next launch window is uncertain due to an FAA emergency order.

Imagine planning a grand road trip, only to have it delayed by a parade of retirees in Hawaiian shirts. That's Blue Origin's current dilemma.

Conclusion: Tech's Quirky Ballet

In the grand ballet that is the tech world, we’re seeing everything from startup etiquette lessons to space-bound satellites. It’s a dance that’s as unpredictable as it is fascinating. As we waltz into the future, we can only hope our tech keeps evolving, much like our ability to gracefully handle a fancy dinner party.

And remember, in the ADHD-fueled world of tech, keeping focus is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube... while someone else keeps turning it. So, stay curious, stay engaged, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll catch the next big tech wave before it crashes onto the shore.

Until next time, keep both eyes on the stars and a firm grip on your fork. 🚀🍴