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Short Funnies

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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed

in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do

anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and

ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the

top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff

or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and

the other is a husband.


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in

the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of



A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,

"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking

too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get

MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I

said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your

mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt

them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You

think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels

like when I m driving."


Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man,

was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army

issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all

his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That

afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has

been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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:D Read them to Son--he LOVED the Fried Eggs one (dang 50 hours driving with a parent to get the license rule!) I've only been a passenger with him once since he got his license :D


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