bozodog Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 New Rule #1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com. There's areason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you didn't likethem 25 years ago! Besides, I already know what the captain of thefootball team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.New Rule #2: There's no such thing as flavoured water. Flavoured wateris a soft drink. You want flavoured water? Pour some scotch over ice andlet it melt. That's real flavoured water.New Rule #3: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the sevendeadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating,because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damnedexciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh, wait. They're alreadydoing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."New Rule #4: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappyold television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex aremote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let'sremember, the reason something was a television show in the first placeis because the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.New Rule #5: No more gift registries, or, as they should be called,greed registries. You know, they used to be just for weddings. Nowthey're for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Pickingout the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't giftgiving; it's a version of looting.New Rule #6: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know inmonths. "27 Months". "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese ora wine. And I didn't really care in the first place.New Rule #7: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger theasshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande,half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbreadcappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and oneNutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.New Rule #8: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in itdoesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. Andit translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anythingspiritual, you were praying to God that you weren't pregnant. You're notspiritual. You're just high.New Rule #9: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men careabout your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.New Rule #10: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,blond teachers are permanently damaged. They're not. They enjoyedthemselves. I have a better description for them: lucky bastards. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDoors Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 I wholeheartedly agree with more of those than I care to admit! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bozodog Posted January 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
robroy Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 I also agree with most of them. Except the last one, didn't have any hot teacers at my school. In fact only one woman teacher and she retired before I graduated Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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