Sign in to follow this  

A Plethora Of Jokes

Recommended Posts

Here's a bunch of em for ya

Mostly man-bashing it seems...why is that?


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What

setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the

happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out

of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I

mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to

you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.


He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I

sit on the sofa and fart.


He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding

anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that

because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years


he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!


A PRAYER....Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to

forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death. AMEN


Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the



Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.


Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around



Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and

calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.


Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.


Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every

woman to satisfy his one need.


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


Edited by Chappy

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

:D:D Hmmm, I've said that prayer before! :D:D I have four sisters, they will love this. Copy, paste, email!

Thanks, Chappy


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this