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Chappy

A Plethora Of Jokes

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Here's a bunch of em for ya

Mostly man-bashing it seems...why is that?

;)

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What

setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

-----------------------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the

happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

--------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out

of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I

mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

_______________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to

you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.

______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I

sit on the sofa and fart.

_______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror

______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

_______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding

anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that

because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years

younger...Whoosh...immediately

he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

__________________

A PRAYER....Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to

forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death. AMEN

________________________________

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the

noose.

_________________________________

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

__________________________________

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around

him.

_____________________

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

________________________________

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and

calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

_________________________________

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

__________________________________

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

___________________________________

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

_____________________________________

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every

woman to satisfy his one need.

__________________________________

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

__________________________________

Edited by Chappy

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:D:D Hmmm, I've said that prayer before! :D:D I have four sisters, they will love this. Copy, paste, email!

Thanks, Chappy

Liz

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