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Apple Headquarters Raided

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Cupertino, CA (AP)

In response to recent news of the latest iPod developments, federal agents raided Apple Headquarters as part of an international drug bust. During the raid, 10,000 iPod Kilos were recovered. The contents of these white blocks have proven highly addictive, especially to teenagers and college students. What most students fail to realize is the dangers involved in being a regular 'user'.

"Many of these kids turn the volume way too lound and actually damage their ears" one federal agent said, on condition of anonymity. "It's horrifying what this company tries to push off as 'harmless fun'".

During the bust, executive ringleader Steve Jobs was arrested. It is believed that he abused his power in trying to control other markets.

An RIAA spokesperson was available for comment: "It's great that they caught this guy--he was trying to regulate prices on our goods. Not only was he selling highly addictive material, but he used his influence to try to brainwash his followers into believing that it's OK to pay only $0.99 per song. Now that he's gone, we can start charging fair market value for songs."

For concerned parents, please be aware of the following signs that your child may be using iPod Kilos:

--a thin white line going up to each ear

--difficulty hearing quiet noises

--an unsightly bulge in your child's pant pockets

--during normal conversation, your child prefixes normal words with the letter "i" as in "eating iDinner", "going on an iDate", and "driving an iCar"

--using jargon associated with iPod Kilos, such as podcasting, iTunes, or Apple

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