My New Living Will


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New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not

wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no

circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of idiotic

politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives

depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask

for at least one of the following (please initial all that apply)

_________a martini,

_________a margarita,

_________a beer,

_________a glass of wine,

_________ champagne,

_________ a Kahlua on the rocks,

_________ sex,

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a

determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and

attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special

law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these

boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the

future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Signature:___________________________

Date: ___________________________

Witness: __________________________

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