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History Lesson.

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Subject: Today's History Lesson




>> History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small >> bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains >> during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in >> winter.


>> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of >> beer

>> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the

>> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were

>> the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: >> Liberals and Conservatives.


>> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of

>> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet,

>> so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be

>> invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were

>> formed.


>> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night

>> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as >> "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled >> at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the >&g! t; night ly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair

>> dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement". Some of these >> liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as >> 'girleymen.'


>> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,

>> the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic >> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives >> provided.


>> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by

>> the jackass.


>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

>> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

>> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

>> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have

>> higher testosterone levels than their men.


>> Most social workers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

>> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule

>> because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.


>> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide >> for

>> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,

>> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police

>> officers, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively

>> outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other

>> conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or

>> nothing. ! They lik e to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with

>> the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than

>> Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when

>> conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West

>> was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.


>> Here ends today's lesson in world history.



>> It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to

>> respond to the above instead of laughing and simply deleting or

>> forwarding it.

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