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bozodog

Christmas Angel

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When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not

produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were

about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven

knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the

toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a

shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves

had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke

into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of

the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He

opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas

tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a

lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to

stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas

tree.

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And along the same lines for Santa having problems...

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",

"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole

Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear

That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,

Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;

The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,

Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,

Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,

Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion

That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological

Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;

And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;

He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;

Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,

Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,

Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

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