New Drugs For Women


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D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to #ell for up to 8 full hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of

how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved

out.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers

unconscious for up to two days.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an

evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents

conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in

enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge

to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal

lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration,

and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share

their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation

level as nagging him.

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