• Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by martymas

  1. martymas


    young man moved into a new flat of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the flat next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered.... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me." [report anonymous abuse] [
  2. sorry flatiron i havent been to this thread since i read your answer to my post thanks for the info yes it was a slightly different path ive made sure to write down the registry path thanks owe you one marty
  3. hi team i need your advice ive bin messing with this very old compt and it keeps shutting of and restarting when it restarts it goes to safe mode ive taken all the cards out one by one and reset them individually b ut it still keeps shutting down ect now my question ime almost certain it is a hard wareproblem i tried to install xp but it stopped in the middle of the instalation so i installed windows ME and it was successfull however when itry to open an application or if i try to get on line it stops it stops and restarts when ever i put it under pressure ok it is an old compt but old or new there is a reason for this can any one help even if it is for my peace of mind thanks marty
  4. martymas


    yes i thought some of them was well said the ones i hadent heard before some people have a knack of puting words to a meaning marty
  5. if you go to ie tools- internet options-privacy tab-advance check- overide autmatic cooking handling and check both first party and third party cookies to block if there is a site you want to access set first party cookies to prompt 'and if a site wants to place a cookie on your compt you have the option then it is your fault if you say yes and get pop ups marty
  6. martymas


    ***NEW*** 12/01/02 "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ---Ben Bergor 07/12/02 "Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated." ---Garry Trudeau 03/09/02 "Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it." ---Salvador Dali 03/09/02 "I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." ---Jim Morrison 03/09/02 "I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships." ---Gilda Radner 03/09/02 "Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected." ---Unknown 11/30/01 "People like you are the reason people like me take pills!" ---Neva Faith Linn 11/30/01 "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'" ---Unknown 07/31/01 "Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life." ---Loelia, Duchess of Westminster 07/31/01 "There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and" ---Brad Ramsey 06/29/01 "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" ---Mae West 06/29/01 "I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited." ---Oscar Wilde 06/29/01 "Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls." ---Groucho Marx 06/29/01 "Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!" ---Unknown 05/31/01 "Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming." ---Amy Bennett 05/31/01 "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." ---Oscar Wilde 05/31/01 "A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling." ---Stephen Fry 05/31/01 "A hard man is good to find." ---Mae West 05/31/01 "Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot." ---Dick Gregory 04/30/01 "A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married." ---H.L. Mencken 04/30/01 "I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things." ---Alan Coren 04/30/01 "I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror." ---Flann O'Brien 04/30/01 "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." ---Groucho Marx 04/30/01 "No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not." ---H.L. Mencken 04/30/01 "The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact." ---Stephen Sondheim 03/30/01 "The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy." ---Unknown 03/30/01 "Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol." ---Unknown 03/30/01 "Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast." ---Compton Mackenzie 03/30/01 "I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect." ---Harvey Fierstein 03/30/01 "He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie." ---Neil Simon 03/30/01 "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." ---Dean Martin 03/30/01 "Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ---Fran Lebowitz 03/30/01 "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." ---Woody Allen 02/28/01 "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy." ---Michelle Pfeiffer 12/31/00 "How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it." ---Sara Swank 11/30/00 "I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last." ---Al Forman (former MLB umpire) 10/31/00 "I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide." ---Missy Fruchter 10/31/00 "I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?" ---Leo Duracher 10/31/00 "A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house." ---Unknown 10/03/00 "The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." ---Bill Cosby 10/03/00 "Sometimes you have to do that with adults--just say what they need you to say--so they'll get out of your face." ---Tarantula Shoes by Tom Birdseye 10/03/00 "I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language." ---Father Figure by Richard Peck 08/31/00 "The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." ---Franklin Jones 08/31/00 "Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood." ---Cal Thomas 08/31/00 "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." ---Fred Allen 07/20/00 "Don't be so humble--you are not that great." ---Golda Meir 07/20/00 "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." ---Robin Williams (on Clinton/Lewinsky affair) 07/20/00 "If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." ---Dean Smith 06/28/00 "Home is a place where teenagers go to refuel." ---Unknown 06/28/00 "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." ---Tori Filler 06/28/00 "There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." ---Steven Wright 05/28/00 "Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go." ---Unknown 05/28/00 "Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare." ---Ed Asner 04/29/00 "I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'" ---Jim Leyland 04/29/00 "You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution." ---Unknown 04/29/00 "Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest." ---Neil Kinnock 03/29/00 "The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided." ---Casey Stengal 03/29/00 "You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going." ---Unknown 03/29/00 "A kindergarten teacher is someone who loves children and hates zippers." ---Unknown 01/30/00 "Better to be forgotten than sued." ---Dave Weinbaum 01/30/00 "Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." ---Dave Berry 01/30/00 "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." ---Unknown 11/28/99 "It's better to leave while staying is welcomes than to stay while leaving is welcomed." ---Unknown 11/28/99 "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." ---Phyllis Diller 10/24/99 "Isn't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?" ---Unknown 10/24/99 "Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers." ---Proverbs 10:26 09/26/99 "The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent." ---Unknown 09/26/99 "One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket." ---Unknown 08/19/99 "The young always have the same problem--how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this problem by defying their parents and copying one another." ---Quentin Crisp 07/15/99 "When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." ---Molly McGee 07/15/99 "You know you're in love when you take the longer way to class even if it means going up two extra stair cases just to see his face." ---Unknown 06/24/99 "Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog." ---Unknown 06/24/99 "He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke." ---Unknown 05/30/99 "Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done." ---Sam Ewing 05/30/99 "A thoughtful kid is one who leaves enough gas in the tank for you to get to the filling station." ---Unknown 04/02/99 "In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction." ---Bill Flavin 03/19/99 "A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water." ---Unknown 03/19/99 "Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it." ---Unknown 02/26/99 "If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room." ---Unknown 02/26/99 "Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?" ---Nipsey Russel 02/10/99 "A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be." ---Unknown 02/10/99 "A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist." ---Unknown 01/28/99 "Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked." ---Kimberly Broyles 01/28/99 "Shipwrecked man to another: 'Don't worry--we'll be found. My pledge to the church is due this week.'" ---Al Johns 01/20/99 "Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier." ---James Dent 01/20/99 "I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee." ---Jay Leno 01/09/99 "Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute." ---Jonathan Kellerman "He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom." ---The Better Half cartoon by Randy Glasbergen "If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?" ---Unknown "Guys who have big muscles and a nice car are usually trying to make up for a lost feature." ---Unknown "I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.'" ---Lenny Bruce "Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11:30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter." ---James T. Adams "You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way." ---Will Rogers "My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." ---Ashleigh Brilliant "Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men." ---Joseph Conrad "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." ---Charlotte Whittond "It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling." ---Unknown "I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." ---Jerome K. Jerome "The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about." ---Unknown "Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four-leaf clover and being infected by poison ivy." ---Unknown "After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room." ---Unknown "Remember the good old days when a juvenile delinquent was a boy who played the saxophone too loud?" ---Unknown "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." ---Kin Hubbard "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." ---A. Whitney Brown "Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers." ---Judith Martin "Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable." ---Mrs. White, Clue "Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?" ---Courtney Huston "Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up." ---Unknown "English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway." ---Mark Grasso "One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average." ---Jonathan Fuerbringer "Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil--and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid." ---Phil Pastoret "Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big." ---George Carlin "Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do." ---Terry Marchal "Successful people are very lucky. Just ask any failure." ---Michael Levine "A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large." ---Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby "You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something." ---H. Jackson Brown, Jr. "Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does." ---Al Bernstein "We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair." ---Arthur Benjamin "Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut." ---Robert Newton Peck "School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone." ---Ashley Salvati "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." ---Scott Adams "Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth." ---Chuck Norris "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." ---Sam Ewing "Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit." ---Elbert Hubbard "Children are the most expensive form of entertainment." ---Mihaela Iosof "Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush." ---Doug Larson "A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice." ---Bill Cosby "A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase." ---Unknown "The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise." ---Tommy Bolt "The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good." ---Polish Proverb "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left." ---"Smile" Zingers "Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other." ---Laurence J. Peter "Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest." ---Karen Savage and Patricia Adams "Forgive your enemies--if you can't get back at them any other way." ---Franklin P. Jones "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it." ---W.C. Fields "It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water." ---Franklin P. Jones "If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." ---Doug Larson "A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely." ---Lubna Azmi "I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner." ---Lisa Leslie --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  7. i havent been to this thread for some time but thanks for the advice ime still learning i like it and it is becoming more user friendly each version in the past ive critersized linux for this reason until ubuntu came on the scene my compt out let gave me a linux disk called lycoris and ive used an old machine to practice on quite paractical with this sys do you have to pay for the updates marty
  8. old farts? my new name is the name those old hens used much in the usa it is used extensively here and we are referred to as those old supers god knows what that means if it is good ime for it if it is bad ime not so for it ha ha ha marty
  9. yes TT i have the same feeling i feel they are appeasing the third party parteners maybe i need a new fire wall thanks for the replys marty
  10. thanks TT in the forums they say to have a good fire wall \ive only ever used windows fire wall and up until now ive bin reasonably safe but they have become more sophtsticated i seem to get that message at certain sites when i loaded sp3 an ppli came with it called essentual security center and i may have to get rid of avast as the this dam program keeps interferring with avast unless i can uninstall te dam thing any one heard of this security from microsoft marty
  11. recently avast has been flashing the message dcom exploit and it looks like a lot of ip address"s ive been to the avast forums and ime not the only one with this problem many think it happens after updating sp3 i first discovered it with spybot but spybot dosent get rid of it now avast has blocked it any ideas marty
  12. martymas

    Drew's World

    yes i tried to go there yeaterday and it gave an error notice this happens quite orften ive got it up at the moment marty
  13. hi team this is a bit spicy perhaps the children shouldent see marty View My Video
  14. hi team a tsunami has hit american samoa and is on its way down the pacific with many deaths and is expected to reach new zealand very likely it wont reach the area i live in as i liove half way down the south island my province is canterbury and the cily is chrisychurch it is sad those peoplke have lost thier lives and i grieve with thier familys if it hits nz it will affect the most populated areas of the country people are told to find higher ground in costal areas over the next 36 hrs any one believe in global warming? if you dont come live down here marty
  15. i remember that photo some posted it on the board marty
  16. one thing i like about this board we are allowed opinions be rightwing or socialist in the past i lambasted the bush cheney GANG OVER IRAQ and in the end my bleatings are true but it still didnt stop the killing of people still going on is that called a bush cheney legacy for me i would like to see obama bring all the people to gether he has aready alerted the world he would like to talk isnt that a start isnt that why he was elected people had a guts full of rightwing agenda all of europe are for his mending relationships what will happen if we dont do something the world will go for atomic weapons then it dosent matter if we are right or left wing we all go up in smoke marty
  17. glad you got on top of it talking bout malwarebytes it is a handy tool tho on vista its security is better then any other microsoft products and i havent had any trouble with malware but ile keep malwarebytes on my sys just in case between MB and avast ive bin trouble free for a long time any s----t you get on your sys is the fault of the user and not the sys marty
  18. if you come down to the soutjh pacific you will se socialism practied in its true form practiced to the peoples needs australia- new zealand-all pacifis islands and england was until tony blair turned the labor party supporting bush and the public soon changed that many south american countys have tiurned to socialism thev had enough of the american right wing greedy take all politics the recent crash will vouch for this statement obama is trying to stop that trend weather he succeds or not will be a matter if he lives long enough god i hope so read this
  19. dam typical right wing claptrap they always have excuses to us billions out here we think obama is doing a difficult job more than that a-----le who made war on iraq to prop up the america economy see were it got tony blair this redneck politics will see this president assassinated millions of us predict it already some politician has called him a liar in parliment unheard of in the history of american politics so rednecks have no boundrys marty
  20. sorry ime late as well have many for me and have a very happy birthday marty
  21. i endorse all the other posters sentiments at one stage ill_wican and i used to email each other as i found he was in hospital some one sent me his email address and i took the liberty of catching up with him up until this post i didnt know he had past away solike many of you i hope he is in a better place god speed old mate i will remember you marty
  22. thanks TT thats the one much obliged owe you one thanks again marty
  23. thanks hi-test my compt i use now will handle the versions but in the past ime sure ive posted and asked for advice but i have 2 0ther compts and the rig i want to use ubuntu on hasent enough ram so ive let it be for now marty
  24. have you tried to scan and remove in safe mode and send it to the vault marty